Chad Parmenter

from Vivienne's Recovery

 

9.nothingnothing.38—I Two Dislike
It.Wer horte mich den aus der ich?

 

A screaming from across the wing,
Or is it mine? Or is it mind?
Depersonalization wrings
My out from in, or they're combined.

Or I'm on fire. Or am not I.
They drug me more to keep me here.
They've dropped my brain. My soul folds. Why
Not let me out? I disappear

Into their hypodermic signs.
They medicate me into flames.
Burnt down to words—where they entwine
With I, out, in, one crumbling frame.

I'm full of selves. I fly. Explode.
The cinemasochists attack
And shock my skull with living nodes.
I'm out. I'm in. All's blue. Now black.

I try to think what got me here,
But thinking makes it so so past.
In the beginning was . . . just fear.
Of out. Of in. I will not last

The night. I will. Our towers were—
I was—so full of know. Above
Us they screamed in, not planes, two burning birds.
All that was out fell in. Ah, love.

That scream was me. Come doctors shod
In fire to stamp me out. Just do it. Please.